They say a week is a long time in politics, however it seems like an eternity in the world of MAFS. What have we learnt this week?
Nothing...
The show now limps from episode to episode, glued together with vignettes of dramatic and sensationalised subplots that feed upon gossip, innuendo and intrigue. Talk about “Days of our bloody dreary lives” or is it “the young and the listless?” Who really gives a toss?
As foreshadowed in my last blog the cavalry arrived just in time to fill the thinning ranks. Our love bunnies were falling faster than the leaves that remind us that it is already autumn... We said a tearful goodbye to Coco and Sam (the man), Sam (the woman) and Cam the twit, and Beth. Russell was returned to another planet in the galaxy. On the highway of love, the road kill is mounting.
Meanwhile the latest love casualties, Melissa and Bryce, Jamie and Chris, Jo and James have been wheeled into ICU.
Vital signs are weak. Post traumatic allergic match reactions imminent. All under the watchful and intuitive eye of the “experts.” OMG… the “Experts.” How lame can it get when we see a couple demonstrably stressed and agitated at the dinner party and then have the producers cut to an incisive and authoritative statement by John “let me mansplain it” Aiken.... quote “there is definite tension in the air”, (with the other 2 stooges nodding their heads sympathetically). Australia screams in unison “No shit, Sherlock!” It really is appalling television. MAFS you have truly found the shit stream.
My prime example of this puerile sludge turned sledge was this week's plot development of ….“the rumour” at the dinner party. We don’t know initially how the “rumour” started but it was spreading like herpes at a brothel.
It seemed that every couple needed to know the answer to one question… “Has there been a fundamental shift in the geopolitical relationship between the US and China since the democrat victory?” No, get real, the real question gripping the world was; “is Bryce cheating on Melissa and has he been swiping right during MAFS?” It seems that Bec, fortified with liquid courage, is prepared to take Bryce on in a gut wrenching confrontation. Now we know that Bec is really angling for a spot on “A Current Affair” (how appropriate) as her interrogation of Bryce was merciless,..... a journalist is born. “You need to own this, and be transparent. I have decided to es-que-late this”, cried Bec across the cocktail party. And in an insult to Australia’s national vegetable, or is it a fruit… she called out Bryce in no uncertain terms, “...you are not an avocado, not everyone likes you...” Bryce, wounded, retreated with Melissa in tow. Liar. liar, pants on fire is his standard defence.
Melissa is left on the stage, alone. A single light beams down upon her, she looks up and breaks into the only song that she knows… it goes like this… “sometimes it’s hard to be a woman…
As we return to the dinner table, the theme of partner loyalty becomes the soup du jour’. Dramatically, Jake (still hoping to get lucky), backs up Bec, and puts the punch drunk Bryce in his box. That’s no way to speak to my Lady! Whilst in another corner, Patrick mans up to protect his ‘ice queen’ Belinda as James is heard to suggest that she is colder than the Pfizer Covid vaccine in the bedroom.
There was something almost moving to see “couples” becoming “couples” and to use the vernacular, “having each other’s back”.
Jason and Alana uncovered their own classic musical ditty with this all time favorite song. It seems so appropriate for MAFS dinner parties.
And then there was the commitment ceremony with Jason literally passing out when he was asked if there was still a spark. Jo let loose and James never had a chance. Described as the Gas Lighter of the century! Who cares if you can afford a Gucci cardigan and drive a Lambo?
This week's action filled drama will focus on the rancid boil waiting to be lanced. “Jamie and Chris”. I have more chance of being selected for NASA’s Mars launch than these 2 have as a successful bunny match, and it is not the Queensland hair that will undo it. Note to Chris, please use soap after the bathroom. Here is Jaimie photographed with Chris practicing being vulnerable...
Never give up on love... JD x