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Love Bunny Dystopia... Gonzo and the cavalry

Love Bunny Dystopia... or Dys-dopia, noun… an imagined state or society in which there is great suffering or injustice, typically one that is totalitarian or post-apocalyptic...and controlled by the ‘experts’.

It is now painfully obvious that any pretext of romantic love that brought us all together on this journey has now given way to the sensationalism and concocted dramatic formulaic drivell. That is the real premise for MAFS. Despite reserve vomit buckets at the ready, I still had to hit pause during this week’s “dinner party” to empty them. As I sat and watched this mezzanine of mediocrity do their thing, infused with alcohol, the love bunnies returned to high school, unleashing childish taunts and juvenile antics. Sam (the man) and Bryce missed their “intimacy session” with resident sex therapist Alessandra AKA Carmen and channelled their primeval instincts much like the Bison on heat in the YellowStone National Park. We filmed Sam and Bryce squaring off outside.

Who is gonzo anyway? I don't look anything like that schmuck...

However the real climax arrived when Cam (the man) hung Coco out to dry and failed to address his feelings in regard to his TV wife Sam. Did he know what we knew, he knew? Or did we know what he didn’t know and everyone else knew? FARRRKKK… One two many 2 faces of Cam for Sam (the woman).

Meanwhile, Coco popped with her dramatic scream into the universe. “We haven’t done ANYTHING!” This certainly got everyone’s attention at the school tuckshop and even the “experts” were lost for words. But what a filler for the lead up advertisements...!

Where is the journey now?

Where is there compassion for prior broken hearts and past experiences? Where is their readiness and openness to commit to a life partner? Where is the selflessness, working as a team, submitting to MAFS as a vehicle that would deliver “true love” and take them to the final destination in their life's journey? Where was the strength and confidence in each other to undertake this extraordinary adventure? Where was the commitment to their “new person” absolutely and unconditionally making this person their number one priority in life? Where was the willingness to share vulnerability and the risk of opening one’s heart to a stranger in the pursuit of creating happiness as a couple together?

On the couch of commitment they were so convincing!

Booka caused an international incident with her reference to Russian sado masochism. Vladimir Putin an avid fan of the show has pulled the plug. In a press conference he was notably perturbed “I am not prepared to have Russian woman stereotyped as this!” Oh holy guacamole, Scomo issued a responding statement , “We have pissed off the Chinese, we can't afford to piss off the Ruskies too.. We welcome all Russian mail order brides to Australia...”

And in a moment which must rank with the famous clanger of Bert Newton and Mohamed Ali, James announced that his true love lay with Alessandra... It's a joke everyone!

Hmmm stick to your day job James, leave the funny lines to the professionals.

Off screen Alessandra showed her true feelings towards James.

Patrick told Australia that he hasn’t used tongue yet... Here he is practicing at home…

Finally at least one couple showed profound connection and true spiritual bonding... Alana and Jason. Here is an exclusive compilation of the love bunnies during intimacy week practising their exercises instructed by Alessandra before a bucket of cold water was thrown on them...

To me it seems so apparent that the number of failed matches is climbing dramatically.

After only 3 weeks; of the nine couples who brought with them the magnificent sentiments of love which I have reprised above, the inconvenient reality is, that 2/3rds of the matches have proven to be dismal failures. If they start leaving the show at this rate (to take up their new insta fame and following) the producers might have to call the cavalry for reinforcements.


Do I see more blushing brides and braindead grooms on the horizon?

Never give up on Love


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